10. Don’t try to reunite with friends or family over long distances.

Just because your mom lives two towns over, and MIGHT still be alive, doesn’t mean that you should load up in your Geo Metro and head out to save her. If you really are that big of a mamma’s boy, and need to run to her when anything goes wrong, please make sure she is alive FIRST, and if it turns out she isn’t. Help her “move on.”

9. Don’t forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often come in without knocking.

Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when all they have to do is push. Keep your suburban zombie fort secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you.

8. Don’t keep zombies in the basement.

I know you’ll think, “If I lock [insert friend/relative here] down in the basement, then can just hang-out until a cure comes along.” Not only is the a terrible idea that will come back to bite you in the ass (no pun intended), collecting zombies is just like collecting other things, once you’ve got one tucked away, it’s easy to justify a second.. third… ect.

7. Don’t set zombies on fire.

We’re not sure why it’s in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than the undead ghoul, is one that’s is walking around on fire. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death, because it has to burn until the brain is destroyed. Do you really want a burning zombie walking around lighting your stuff on fire? Just play it safe, There is a good chance that a fire extinguisher won’t be handy in the zombie apocalypse. Also, burning zombies smell horrible.

6. Don’t get too creative with zombie defense.

Just because you CAN have a pit of spikes outside your front door encase zombies come ring the doorbell, doesn’t mean you should. Half the time you set up a booby trap, it’ll spring on you or someone you know.

5. Don’t go down. Stay up.

Locking your self in the basement is probably the dumbest thing you could do besides locking yourself out of the house. Zombies can go down pretty easily, gravity does most of the work, but going up is a different story. Walking up the stairs and then destroying them so no ghoul can follow you up will work just fine… Hell, the neighbor kid’s tree house is 10 times better than the basement.

4. Don’t broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening and watching.

Once you find a safe place free of zombies, try to keep it that way. Don’t throw a huge party with loud music and search lights. Keep the house warming party low key.

3. Don’t get sentimental. Zombies won’t.

Sure that adorable flesh eating monster walking around in short-pants used to be your son, and sure he still looks cute eating your neighbors with his bib on, but zombie’s don’t have feelings, so neither should you.

2. Don’t be “that one asshole” in your group.

Team unity is very important if you want to get anything done in this world, just ask any chump that got sucked into a “synergy” meeting at the office. Once we throw zombies into the mix, it’ll make this much harder. If you are the “asshole” that doesn’t pull his weight, always has a sarcastic response or just thinks he is better than everyone else, you will regret it. You might not be the first to go, but you’ll be the worst to go. If you get snagged by a zombie, nobody is gonna stick their neck out for you. Also, you’ve got karma working against you.

1. Don’t stand in front of the window. That’s just foolish.

Just watch any horror movie ever made and you’ll see why this one is number 1 on the list. Anyone standing in front of a window, talking about something nobody really cares about will get sucked out like they were in outer space.